My husband died one month ago today so you can understand when I tell you that today was a rough day. The memories were everywhere. Not only was it a day for couples, Eric proposed to me on Valentine’s day thirteen years ago, but every time I looked at the ring he gave me, every time my son called out my name, I remembered. I kept telling myself that the day would end. My son made me breakfast, we cuddled, and went to watch Kung Fu Panda with family, but I couldn’t shake my sadness.
Until my husband sent me flowers. Like the show P.S. I Love You, Eric sent me presents on my birthday, sent my son a note on his birthday as well, and on Valentine’s day because he knew he wouldn’t be here with me he sent me flowers. Two dozen roses with the message. Love you.
Even while he was sick and battling cancer, even when we had decided to not do any more treatments and go into hospice, his last thoughts weren’t for himself, they were for my son and I.
And I realized today I shouldn’t be sad. I had the love of a remarkable man and one day I would see him again. You can’t be bogged down in the past, you need to embrace the future. You need to try, or you will never succeed. Even if you fail, you had a higher chance of winning than if you hadn’t taken that step at all.
I will never regret loving my husband. I will never regret the time we spent today and days that remind me of him shouldn’t make me sad but ebullient. I had that and maybe, one day I will have that again.
Happy Valentine’s Day.