One month today.

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My husband died one month ago today so you can understand when I tell you that today was a rough day. The memories were everywhere. Not only was it a day for couples, Eric proposed to me on Valentine’s day thirteen years ago, but every time I looked at the ring he gave me, every time my son called out my name, I remembered. I kept telling myself that the day would end.  My son made me breakfast, we cuddled, and went to watch Kung Fu Panda with family, but I couldn’t shake my sadness.

Until my husband sent me flowers.  Like the show P.S. I Love You, Eric sent me presents on my birthday, sent my son a note on his birthday as well, and on Valentine’s day because he knew he wouldn’t be here with me he sent me flowers. Two dozen roses with the message. Love you.

Even while he was sick and battling cancer, even when we had decided to not do any more treatments and go into hospice, his last thoughts weren’t for himself, they were for my son and I.

And I realized today I shouldn’t be sad. I had the love of a remarkable man and one day I would see him again.  You can’t be bogged down in the past, you need to embrace the future. You need to try, or you will never succeed. Even if you fail, you had a higher chance of winning than if you hadn’t taken that step at all.

I will never regret loving my husband. I will never regret the time we spent today and days that remind me of him shouldn’t make me sad but ebullient. I had that and maybe, one day I will have that again.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

 

10 Comments:

  1. Bless you and Aidan, praying for you always.

  2. I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending prayers and love to you and your family.

  3. Thank you. It helps to write about it sometimes. *hugs* thanks!

  4. So sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers for you and your son.

  5. God bless you and what a sweet tribute to your husband. Sharing the positive memories that you have are always a healthy way to approach the memory of a loved ones death. Again, this was a beautiful tribute to him.

    Keep love in your heart Colleen.

    Irish

  6. Colleen, it takes great courage to keep on after a loss like this. Thank you for being so open and honest about your pain.

    You’re fortunate you had time to say goodbye to Eric.

    Love never dies.

    Hugs, Lisabet

  7. thank you so much for sharing. As sadness fades the love you once shared will fill your heart and you will be blessed again.
    ron;)

  8. So sorry for your loss. Been there and it is a tough place. Prayers for you and your loved ones.

  9. Thanks everyone!

  10. Colleen, I am just now seeing this and hearing about your loss. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, but am inspired by your post and your hope and love. May they sustain you through other hard times. <3

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